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For Your Terrible Ex: Five Songs to Help You Through Your Breakup

Alanis Morissette singing

Have you gone through a breakup recently? Are you struggling to find music that accurately encapsulates your experience? Well, dear traveler, I’ve been down a similar road a few times, so allow me to enlighten you. There are certain forms of emotional pain that can only be relieved through music. The method of administration for this treatment does not matter, music can heal in various forms; dancing, singing along in the car or shower, going to a concert with friends, etc. In my opinion, the best breakup songs are those that relate directly to the listener’s lived experiences. Using a plethora of genres, I have attempted to categorize each species of ex by their crimes. Here are five songs I would like to personally dedicate to your terrible exes.

FOR THE PLAYER: "ESE HOMBRE" BY LA INDIA (SALSA WITH R&B INFLUENCES)

Who hasn’t had an ex who could never be satisfied? This song was originally written by Ana Magdalena and Manuel Alejandro as a Spanish ballad. La India’s version is more salsa inspired. The Afro-Carribean percussion and prominent brass section mix with the singer’s impassioned vocals to create a heart wrenching track about the outcomes of infidelity. Though the lyrics to this song are in Spanish and translation does not do them justice, the playfulness of the insults here have a Shakespearean-like wittiness about them. La India verbally assails her ex using phrases like “payaso vanidoso” (“haughty clown”), or “insuportable como amigo, insufrible como amor” (“intolerable as a friend, insufferable as a lover”). I highly recommend learning Spanish, just to be able to experience this song in its original form, layered with all its intelligent snarkiness.

FOR THE SCRUB: "PLAN B" BY MEGAN THEE STALLION (RAP/HIP-HOP)

Was your ex lazy, broke, and good for nothing? Did you pay for every meal? Did you plan every date? Megan Thee Stallion has got you covered. “Plan B” is a cathartic experience packaged neatly in only 2 minutes and 43 seconds. Inspired by hardcore 90s hip hop and the boom-bap subgenre, Plan B is the 16th track on the album Traumazine. Megan raps ferociously over a beat sampling “Freek’n You” by Jodeci featuring Wu-Tang Clan. In this song, Megan urges us all to not let our past mistakes get the better of our futures and to “love [ourselves], cause this shit could get ugly.” Megan bestows upon her listeners a track oozing with unapologetic sexuality and female rage. The magic of the lyrics comes from how masterfully Megan insults her ex while simultaneously uplifting herself. My favourite line is towards the end, where she declares, “Fuck you, still can’t believe I used to trust you/The only accolade you ever made is that I fucked you.” This line truly stands out to me, a beautiful gourmet morsel of a bar sandwiched in between two curt “fuck you[s]!” I swear, nothing hits quite like Meg in the midst of unnecessary heartbreak.

FOR THE MANIPULATOR: "YOU OUGHTA KNOW" BY ALANIS MORISSETTE (ALTERNATIVE ROCK/POST-GRUNGE)

Was your ex your own personal saboteur? We’ve all met a person who seems perfectly poised at first glance, but when you unwrap their pristine exterior, you are shown mistreatment to the highest degree. Morissette begins the track quiet, breathy, and conversational before pivoting to unapologetic anger. She belts the chorus with a mind-bending intensity. If you’re searching for a song to scream in the shower, look no further than this absolute gut-punch of a track. This song was the lead single off Morissette’s iconic debut album, Jagged Little Pill, which came out before female rage was commercially acceptable. She paved the way for other female musicians to validate their feelings, no matter how uncomfortable those feelings may seem. These feelings are highlighted spectacularly, with the track featuring hard-hitting lyrics like “Does she know how you told me/You'd hold me until you died? ‘Til you died/But you’re still alive” and “It’s not fair to deny me/Of the cross I bear that you gave to me.” If there is one song on this list that truly embodies the raw frustration of a fresh breakup, it’s this one.

FOR THE PROBLEMATIC STONER: "CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE SOBER" BY EVANESCENCE (ALTERNATIVE/SYMPHONIC METAL)

Was your ex’s biggest red-flag a penchant for self-destruction? If so, you may find solace in Evanescence’s “Call Me When You’re Sober,” a short masterpiece centred around dealing with a partner with substance abuse issues. Amy Lee, the lead singer of Evanescence, wrote this song about Seether frontman Shaun Morgan following their breakup. Lee has an incredible knack for portraying the exhaustion that accompanies proximity to addiction. Evanescence’s genre-bending symphonic style blends an epic orchestral sound with the cold clamour of 2000s Nu-Metal. The lyrics focus on themes of accountability and disappointment before transitioning in the third act. Words marking the grief over a failed relationship shift to an ode of female empowerment and resilience. Lee demands that her partner take accountability for the trauma he put her through before reaching out again. The enabler-dependent dynamic is a psychologically confusing relationship to navigate; it can be embarrassing and isolating in unique ways. Though this track may seem gloomy and dark, the beauty of its instrumental and the potency of its lyrics creates an unparalleled emotional experience that is a necessity if your ex has put you through it.

FOR THE DEADWEIGHT: "DEADMAN'S CURVE" BY TYLER CHILDERS (COUNTRY/APPALACHIAN FOLK)

Did your ex make you feel burdened and weighed down? If so, Tyler Childers has crafted the perfect revenge ballad for you. Country music gets a lot of unwarranted hate these days. Sure, the rise of bro-country has done irreparable damage to the public image of country, but there are still a myriad of contemporary artists attempting to bring the genre back to its roots. Childers has been integral to this movement, shifting away from overproduced synth tracks and vapid lyrics and towards traditional bluegrass and poetic storytelling. “Deadman’s Curve,” the second track on Live on Red Barn Radio I & II, is no exception. Childers begins his cautionary tale by declaring, “you can go to hell my dear/I think you’d like it better there.” The song uses a dangerous curve on a local highway as a metaphor for the ever-looming threat of emotional burnout in a relationship. Childers writes of a pairing where one person pulls all the weight and is at the end of their rope. Using comparisons of drowning and caretaking, Childers demonstrates the Sisyphean effort required to maintain a relationship with an active addict. While this song shares themes of addiction and dependency with the Evanescence track, this song highlights the hubris present in partners who feel like they can beat the odds without changing their behaviour. The subject of the track clearly has a substance abuse issue however the lyrics could also very easily represent partners with unaddressed personality problems, persistent trauma they refuse to deal with, etc. “Deadman’s Curve” is an emotionally charged and deeply nostalgic American piece whose apocalyptic imagery reminds the listener with each line that they are better off alone than in a parasitic arrangement. If you are tired of constant caretaking in your relationships, sit back and put on a little country.